


Here I Go

by fanzelbabe



Series: Here I Go [1]
Category: Jadina - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fanfiction, IfThen, JADINA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2371607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanzelbabe/pseuds/fanzelbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a beautiful place in which everything works to my own liking.<br/>The place is my mind.<br/>An alternate universe exists therein.<br/>This...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Attraction

**New York City, December 9, 2013**

"Goodnight sweetie." Idina kissed Walker's forehead before getting off his bed. She closed the door to his room,went to the bar and opened a bottle of wine. Glass in hand, she sat on the couch, her feet perched on the table, her thoughts drifting away.

**Washington DC. One month earlier.**

"I'm not one for fortunes or wishing on a star..." Idina sang while looking into her male co-star's eyes. _James Snyder, why did he have to be this good-looking?_ He has this boyish charm and smile that just makes you want to melt. And then they kissed - it was brief and gentle yet it made her feel things unholy. It evoked a feeling in her that she should only be feeling towards her husband. _Shit!_ Idina checked herself and put on a show.

After the show, Idina saw Lachanze and Jenn on her way out of stage door. "Dinner, you guys?" She asked them to which the pair agreed to.

"Sure! Jenn and I found this place yesterday and the food is crazy amazing!" LaChanze said beaming.

"Awesome. Let's go there!" Idina said.

The pair were chatting up a storm while Idina feigned interest, lost in her thoughts.

"Dee, is it alright if he comes with us?" Jenn nudged her when she didn't answer the first time she asked. She looked at the person Jenn was referring to and her mouth went dry. _Damn._ "Sure!" was all she could say.

They arrived at the restaurant and got to a table for four. "Since Jenn and I play lovers, we should sit together as should you two." LaChanze said in jest unaware of the emotional turmoil Idina is experiencing at the moment. The sumptuous dinner was served yet Idina had trouble putting food down. All she could ever think about is the proximity of James' body to hers, acutely aware of every single time their elbows touch or how intoxicating he smells.

When they got to their hotel, James invited them for a nightcap at the bar but they refused.

"Got a show to do tomorrow, bud," LaChanze said.

"Well then that was a lovely dinner, goodnight, ladies." James said as he pulled up to his room.

"Goodnight James," Jenn and LaChanze said.

Idina gave him one last lingering look before bidding him goodnight. Idina tossed and turned in her bed that night, her thoughts never leaving her alone. The budding attraction she is feeling towards James is so palpable she can almost touch it and the realization hit her like a blast of cold wind to the face knowing that the moment she gives in to her feelings will be the moment her marriage ends. _Oh shut up!_ _He doesn't even feel the same way._ She scolded herself.

Not far from Idina's room, James laid restless on his bed thinking the exact same thoughts, feeling the exact same way. They both drifted to sleep with the possibility of love and loss looming over their heads.


	2. Passion

**Washington, DC., December 8, 2013**

"Broadway, here we come!" Kitt shouted as he popped the champagne. They just did the final performance for the out of town try-out of If/Then. Come March next year they will be opening up on Broadway. The members of the cast are excited and ecstatic that the show came through and that the people who came to see it enjoyed it.

"This calls for celebration. Let's go hit the bar!" The cast cheered on. They went to a popular watering hole near the hotel where most of them are staying. Laughter and chatter filled the bar as they boozed the night away.

LaChanze noticed that something is off with Idina. "Are you alright honey?" her mother instinct is kicking in.

"I'm fine. I just miss my little boy, Walker." She said giving Lachanze a small smile. LaChanze gave her a big hug. "Awwww, you'll see him tomorrow." Idina nodded and smiled.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of James leaning by the bar while talking to Anthony. _He's so hot! I just wanna run my tongue up and down his abs and..._ Idina shook the thought away and sighed. _This has got to stop. I need to go home to my husband and forget all about this._ She took her sexual frustration out on her drink and ended up consuming more alcohol than her body can tolerate.

The following day... How she got to her hotel room was a blur. She woke up with the monster of a headache. _Great! Just what I need for the flight home- a hangover._ She froze when she felt someone stir beside her. She opened her eyes to look over to her side; the man was sprawled face down on the bed, one arm over her stomach, the back of his head facing her. Her breathing quickened as she recognized those golden locks. How could she not? She had dreamed of running her fingers through them all this time. _What the fuck have I done?!_ She closed her eyes and tried to remember what had happened. Flashes of passionate kissing and clothes flying came rushing in. The alcohol has fogged her memory but she can just tell by how sore she felt and the fact that she's naked underneath the covers that they did more than just kiss. She slowly got up to take a shower, hugging herself as she knelt on the floor, the stream of hot water drowning her sobs.

James woke up to the muffled sound of running water coming from the bathroom. He got up from the bed and headed towards it. He turned the doorknob, thankful that Idina left it open. His heart went out of his chest when he saw her.

"Dee, I'm so sorry. I was... we were both..." James said softly, grappling with words to say to her to help make her feel better knowing fully well that there aren't any. Idina looked up at him, "I don't remember much and I'm not sure I want to either. Let's just forget whatever the fuck happened. We were both drunk. Let's leave it at that."

"But.." James started to protest. Idina cut him off. "Just leave. Please."


	3. We Will Always Have D.C.

James turned the shower off and knelt in front of her. He cupped her face with both hands and wiped the tears away.

"How could you have let it happen? James, we are both married. I can't deal with it or with you right now, so, please just leave and let me figure this out ." Idina said softly.

James wrapped her in his arms. "There is no perfect excuse for what happened Idina but there is one thing I am sure of - we both wanted it."

"No, just stop," Idina gripped his arm hard, "I don't wanna remember."

He pulled away from her and looked her in the eye. "I want you to remember what happened so that you will know how wonderful last night was." And with that he kissed her on the lips. Idina tried to push him away to break the kiss but James pressed on. In the end, her body betrayed her. She found herself responding to his kiss with equal passion. Idina ran her hands from his neck to his chest as James grabbed her ass pulling her up so that she is now standing with her back against the wall, James' sex pressing against hers. James' probing lips moved from her mouth to her neck, nipping the skin as they went until it found it's way to one of her nipples. James suckled while his free hand worshiped the other. "Fuuuuck!" Idina moaned as she ran her fingers through his hair. She was lost in the sensation. The pleasure he gave her made her throw away the last bit of inhibition she still had left. She grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall, rubbing his chest hair with her hands while her mouth and tongue made their way to his stomach down to his member. "Oh, Dee." James groaned when Idina teased its tip, lacing his fingers with her hair. James stopped her when she started bobbing her head and had her bent over so he could take her from behind. They both moaned loudly as James sank into her, thrusting slowly at first until she got accustomed to him. As James picked up pace, Idina could feel that familiar build-up in her belly until she can't take it anymore. She exploded around him at the same time he did. They lay spent on the floor, their bodies tangled, panting.

After taking a shower together and putting robes on, they laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, saying nothing.

"You were right. It was wonderful," Idina breaking the silence "but it can never happen again."

James sighed. He touched her pinkie with his, "We will always have D.C."

With that, he rose and got dressed. James kissed her on the forehead before leaving. "I'll see you in New York."

Idina packed up with a heavy heart. Torn between remorse and longing, she took one last look at her room before closing the door behind her. "We will always have D.C."


	4. Reset

James arrived in New York City one week earlier than the scheduled Broadway previews. Although he had a hard time admitting it, he really missed Idina so much and the fact that she refused to answer any of his calls only made his longing to see her worse. He had also sent her text messages but she hadn't texted him back except that one time she had mistakenly sent him a message that was intended for Jenn, one of the casts of the musical he is in. He smiled at the memory of receiving that text message. _She's such an adorable dork._

He missed her not just because they shared something special in D.C and that he's anticipating an encore but because he missed being around her presence. He missed the silly conversations he had with her or the way she would stay quiet in one corner when she has to work on a new material or the sparkle in her eyes when she smiles or the sound of her laughter when she cracks up or... he could go on. He sighed. He'd been fighting this budding attraction he has for her and quite frankly he is still yet to conquer it. God help him, he has to for the sake of the wife and child he left in L.A.

He remembered that time he read the news about the split. He had so wanted to fly out to NYC but he had no valid excuse to justify it to his wife. He knew how tough it must have been for her and he just so badly wanted to be there for her.

"Sir, this is it." The taxi driver said as he pulled up to the building which will be James' home while the musical plays on Broadway. He paid the driver and got out of the cab. He went up to his apartment, got settled and took a nap afterwards.

It was 3:00 PM when he woke up. He took a shower, got dressed and went out to find something to eat but he gets lonely dining solo so he called Jenn.

"Hi, are you free this afternoon?" He asked when Jenn picked up the phone. Thankfully, she was and they decided to meet at Jenn's favorite pizza place.

"So, have you heard anything from Idina?" He asked once they got settled at a table and ordered.

"Yeah, I just actually talked to her over the phone right before you called me." Jenn answered.

"How is she?" "What do you think?! She's alone in her apartment right now. Walker is with her Dad. They wanted to give her time alone to get ready for the previews and stuff." Jenn gave him a you-know-what look.

James sighed.

"Why? Haven't you ever been in contact with her at all? It was all over the news, you know." Jenn asked surprised.

"I've been busy with family life." James said evasively. "I heard about it, of course! I just wanted to give her space to deal with it." He doesn't want to give Jenn any idea that something might be off between him and Idina.

The food he ordered came and they ate while catching up on each other's lives since they haven't seen each other since D.C.

"Will you be heading to your apartment now?" Jenn asked James when they got out of the pizza place.

"No. I think I'll take a walk around. You know, burn those calories we just put on." Thanks for coming down to see me. I really hate dining alone."

"Oh, don't mention it. So, I'll see you next week?"

"Maybe sooner, who knows? When I get lonely, I'll give you a call." James said in jest then hugged her before they parted ways.

After walking around for a bit, James decided to drop by Idina's. Time to clear the air once and for all since they will be working together. It doesn't seem right to have that awkwardness hang over them while they play the part as lovers in the show.

He got to her apartment and pressed the doorbell button, hoping she's in as Jenn said. She must have looked through the peephole because, "why are you here?" She asked.

"We need to talk. Please?" James pleaded.

Silence.

Idina leaned against the door, torn between opening the door then jumping into his warm embrace for comfort and telling him off to leave. But he's right. They need to talk and get stuff out of the way since they will be working together again. She took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

The door opened. "Come in."

James stepped inside then closed the door behind him. He turned to look at Idina and felt his heart rip apart when he saw her.

"Idina..."


	5. Ouch

She smiled weakly. "Hi, James."

James stood there motionless as he studied the woman standing in front of him. She wore her usual baggy sweatpants and a plain white loose shirt with her hair tied in a messy bun. Her face had this tortured aura about it which her smile failed to mask and her eyes were red and puffy. It is evident that he had just disrupted a major cry-fest. She looked like she could use a month's worth of sleep. He felt so bad for her that he wanted to pull her in for a tight hug.

"Have a seat. Can I get you anything?" She said, making her way towards the kitchen.

"No, thank you. I just had late lunch with Jenn actually."

Idina made her way to the kitchen anyway.

"Water? Juice? Something." She said, going through the motion of looking at the contents of the fridge when she's actually just making an excuse to gather herself together. After a few months of not seeing him, he still has that same effect on her. _Get your shit together Idina!_ She mentally kicked herself.

"Water, I guess." James said as he sat on the couch.

She handed the glass of water to him then sat on the other end of the couch, putting her knees up with her chin resting on top of them. She averted looking at him by staring at her feet.

"Dee, I'm sorry about... I saw it on the news." James said, skirting around stating the obvious but failing miserably.

Idina looked up at him and smiled bitterly. Those sparkly green eyes that used to look back at him are gone. The ones looking back at him now seemed distant, preoccupied.

"Don't be. Besides, it's been a long time coming, I guess." Idina shrugged.

"D.C. got nothing to do with it?" James pressed on.

"God, no! Nobody knows about D.C., James. " Idina exclaimed. "You said you wanted to talk, so do. Except my failed marriage, it's not up for discussion right now."

James drank some water from the glass she gave him then placed it down on the table.

"Well, we haven't really talked about what happened. I reached out to you but you just won't give me the time of day. I just wanna make sure that we're okay. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to have a strained relationship while working together."

"I'm sorry. It's not like I haven't dealt with a lot of stuff ever since that day." Idina said tartly.

"But you had time to talk to Jenn." James retorted. "You sent me a message that was supposed to be for her. So, I know you had time to spare. Apparently, just not for me."

Idina picked on her nails as she figured out what to tell him. _Well, how about the truth?_

"Alright, I'm sorry. I just had to deal with a lot of shit and adding you into the mix is just going to push me over the edge, you know what I mean?"

"I..." James suddenly lost his train of thought, finally realizing that she doesn't really owe him any explanation whatsoever since they're not exactly in a relationship. Factor in the separation and he felt like he was being such a jerk for pushing her.

"Anyway, since we're talking about D.C now, here's the thing: what happened was a momentary lapse in judgment, okay? We were drunk, horny and caught up in a moment. Since there's no way we can undo what's been done, can we just forget about it and stop acting like it's such a big deal? It was just sex, for fuck's sake!" Idina raised her voice a bit.

James was affronted. He treasured those moments yet here she is telling him off that it was nothing more than sex. "First of all, it happened twice so 'moments'."

Idina rolled her eyes at him. "Grammar nazi, are we?"

"Second, it was more than just sex for me." James said softly.

"Can you not give me that bullshit? YOU ARE MARRIED AND WITH CHILD and when that happened, so was I!" Idina was so consumed with conflicting emotions, her eyes welled with tears. "Now, I have a failed marriage to boot and a married man to deal with?! Great!" It was just too much for her. Idina burst into tears.

James closed the gap between them. He pulled her up so that she is sitting on his lap, guiding her head to rest on his shoulder.

"Shhh, I'm sorry. I'm going to drop that for now. Just stop crying, please?" James said as he ran his hand over her hair and kissed her temple. "Hush now."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried hard instead. She clawed at the skin on his back, hanging on to him for strength. James let her pour her heart out until her loud sobs turn to sniffle. He can't remember how long they stayed that way but somehow they found comfort in silence. She grew quiet then her arm hung limp on his shoulder. He realized she must have fallen asleep. She must be drained emotionally and physically. James got up and carried her up to her bedroom then laid her on the bed. He was about to turn around and leave when she tugged at his hand.

"Don't leave. Stay with me. Please." Idina said softly. James felt a sudden burst of happiness. _She needs me. She wants me to be there for her._ He took his shoes off then snuggled up to her, her head resting on his chest. She laced her legs with his and wrapped her arm around his waist. James smiled.

"Stay with me, baby." She said softly as a tear rolled down from the corner of her eye. That wiped the smile off his face. It hurt when he realized that she was just in a dreamy state when she asked him to stay. But what hurts the most is realizing who she meant when she said "baby". It doesn't get any more painful than that.


	6. Hot n Cold

It's already dark out when James opened his eyes. He must've dozed off, too.

Idina is still sleeping soundly, snuggled up to him, her limbs all tangled up with his. He smiled bitterly. _Poor Dee. She thought I was him._

Even though he's hurting, he still relished this moment. He likes the feel of having her in his arms like this. She just fits so perfectly it feels like this is exactly where she belongs - in his arms; with him. _Get a grip, man. You're married_.

He sighed. He kissed her forehead before slowly detaching himself from her so as not to wake her up then he got off the bed.

Since it's almost dinner time, he decided he'd rummage the fridge to see if there's anything there he can cook. He doesn't want to leave her without making sure she'd eaten a proper meal and judging by the contents of her fridge, it sure looked like she hasn't been eating properly.

He sat on the couch while contemplating on what food to order for dinner when Idina, looking a whole lot better than he'd seen her earlier, came out of her bedroom. She looked surprised when she saw him. "James, I thought you left."

"I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." James said. _No, I just really want to be with you, Dee._  He thought. "Besides, I fell asleep too."

She smiled weakly "Did you fall sleep on the couch?" Idina asked as she opened the fridge to get some water.

"Not exactly." James answered.

"Where?" Idina looked at him while leaning against the fridge, drinking her water.

"On your bed. I slept beside you. I was gonna leave but you asked me to stay."

"Did I? I don't remember. Anyway, I must've been dreaming then." Idina shrugged her shoulder as she made her way to the couch.

James felt that familiar pain again. He was right about her earlier. "Hey, do want to go out to have dinner maybe?" James asked. Idina raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's not like dinner date. Just, you know, friends grabbing a bite to eat together." James explained.

"I don't know. I don't really feel like going out." Idina said as she laid on the couch, her feet nearly touching James' legs. He scooted towards her and placed her feet on his lap, gently caressing them.

Idina closed her eyes. She felt a shiver run down her spine while her heart starts to beat a little faster than it's supposed to. She took a deep breath. She hated feeling this way whenever she's around him but then she liked it when he's being sweet like this. He made her feel special. _Unlike him..._ Her expression darkened.

James noticed the mood change. "C'mon Dee, when's the last time you got out of this place?" He asked trying to distract her from her thoughts.

"I don't know. The other day maybe."

"When's the last time you took a shower?" James teased.

"Same." She said before she could stop herself. She just smiled to cover her embarrassment.

"I knew it! Something did kinda smell bad while we were asleep on your bed earlier." James said, chuckling.

Idina rolled her eyes at him. Her hand found a pillow and threw it at him. "Get the heck outta here, nobody's forcing you to stay." She said in mock anger.

James laughed as he caught the pillow with his hands. "Just kidding!"

She pouted. James felt his heart skip a beat. S _he's just too cute when she does that. Actually, she's just really cute whenever she does stuff. A song just popped into his head. Every little thing she does is magic. Everything she do just turns me on. Dammit Snyder stop being such a love struck teenager!_

"Come on, Idina STINKING Menzel! Go take a shower so that we can go out, have sushi and maybe some wine." James urged her.

"I don't want to! Why won't you just leave me alone here? Go eat by yourself!"

"No? Really?"

"No. Really."

"You left me with no choice." James said before he stood up to pull her up across his shoulder as in a fireman's carry. He then made his way towards the bathroom while Idina kicked and screamed, "Put me down, Snyder! Right now!"

James got into the bathroom and put her down under the shower. He moved a little bit farther away from her before turning it on. "James, what the fuck?! It's so cold!" She whined.

He was about to turn around to make his way out of there when, "where do you think you're going?!" Idina grabbed him by the hand and pulled him in the shower with her. "Damn it, Idina! I don't have a change of clothes here!"

"That's what you get for manhandling me. Now you know never to mess with me again." Idina laughed at him all wet with his clothes on. _But he looks super fucking hot_ , she thought as she set to adjust the water temperature.

That laugh. He loved hearing that infectious laugh again. James once again swooned and before he could stop himself he broke out into a song, "I'm singing in the rain Just singing in the rain. What a glorious feelin' I'm happy again," to which Idina joined in. They frolicked under the shower together, splashing water at each other while they sang and danced and laughed. For that precious few minutes Idina forgot her woes and got out of her funk. She actually felt really good letting loose like this. She just hates to admit that his presence here cheered her up.

_James is here with me. James. D.C. Shower._ Idina froze.

"Dee?" James asked. "Okay, I need to take a proper shower so I want you to get out of here while I do." She pushed him out of the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the rack by the door for him to use. "Out!" And with that she slammed the door on his face.

James shook his head, getting dizzy with her mood swings. He just sang while he dried himself off with the towel. "You're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down."


	7. Bad Romantic Movie

_There's a gloriously naked man in my shower right now and I am going to be a hypocrite if I don't admit that I am so turned on._

Idina sighed as she got dressed in her usual comfy sweats. She let her wet hair hang loose this time. She closed her eyes for a bit as she lay curled up on her bed remembering the shower they had together back in D.C.

_Well, it was more than just a shower really and I can still remember vividly how every single touch of his skin burned mine; how his kisses intoxicated me with desire; how when his mouth and tongue found the sweet spots in my body, it gave me the greatest pleasure ever conceivable. He was so good in bed, knows exactly which buttons to push to drive me crazy and I would just love to... I NEED A COLD SHOWER RIGHT NOW!_

"Dee, I don't have any clothes to put on." James called out, breaking her lustful reverie.

Idina rummaged through her closet and put the clothes she could find on the bed then knocked on the bathroom door. "They're on the bed. Give me your clothes so that I can put them in the dryer."

She went to the laundry room to take care of it. When she was done, she laid on the couch taking her phone with her and dialed her Dad's number. They talked for a while, the majority of which was spent on her appeasing him that she's fine. He put Walker on the phone. Hearing her son's voice just brightened her mood immensely. They chatted for a bit more before saying their goodbyes. "Mommy will see you soon, honey. You be good, okay? I love you. Buh bye."

James came out of the bedroom just as she was hanging up the phone.

"Seriously?!" James exclaimed.

Idina burst into a fit of laughter upon seeing him. "OMG, James!"

James frowned. "I can't breathe." Idina's sweatpants and shirt are just too tight for him. "Don't you have any of ---"

"Gave them all to charity." Idina cut James off. "I'd have burned them all but as it turns out, I am not so heartless."

James let it pass. He doesn't want to dampen her mood again so he made his way towards the couch walking in a womanly manner. "What's up, girlfriend, aren't we going out for dinner?" James said in a woman's voice.

Idina just laughed at his goofiness. "I ordered pizza. I'm not in the mood to go out. "Can we just stay here and maybe watch bad or good romantic movies? Of course you're free to go, if you have other plans."

"That's actually a good idea. I don't have proper clothes to wear anyway. But I really need to just..." James stood in front of her, moving his hips in a suggestive manner while looking at her seductively as he took Idina's shirt off. _Oh yeah. Striptease, baby._ "It's too tight."

Idina stared at him with mouth wide open. Her eyes scanned his chest hair, his abs and his gyrating hips. Why the fuck is he so hot?! She got up and ran towards her room. When she came back, she threw a bathrobe in his face. "Wear that!"

James just laughed at her as he put it on. Idina hid her flushed face by taking a bottle of wine and glasses from the bar. When she came back, the pizza was already delivered.

_There's Something About Mary, pizza, wine and good company. This day isn't so bad at all._

She smiled as she stole a quick glance at James who did the exact same thing. They sat there motionless, transfixed by each other's gaze. He cleared his throat. "It's late, I have to go." _Please ask me to stay the night. I like sleeping beside you._

Idina nodded. She took his clothes from the dryer while James took the pizza box and wine glasses to the kitchen. He headed towards the door after changing back into his clothes. "I had a great time, Dee. Goodnight."

"Me, too. Thanks for keeping me sane for a day." She smiled at him. "Goodnight, James."

He kissed her on the forehead before heading out. Idina leaned her forehead against the door when James closed it behind him. _Come back, James. Stay the night. I slept better with you beside me._ Idina waited for the knock on the door that didn't happen. Late that night, she laid on her bed, tortured by her confusion over the fact that she missed James more than she missed her ex. _Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Or is it both? Ugh. Why do I do this to myself? I feel like I'm in a fucking bad romantic movie!_


	8. The Tango to Hell

The next few days have been hectic with Idina juggling between motherhood and her career.

Dealing with the aftermath of the separation. Frozen press. Tech rehearsal for If/Then. Oscars. The Adele Dazeem fiasco catapulted her to a whole new level of fame and hot off from her Oscars performance, everyone wants a piece of her so she had to squeeze in all these interviews in between her preparations for If/Then while trying to be "Mommy of the Year."

Now the dust has somewhat settled and her schedule has gotten back to normal, well sort of.

Idina was lounging on a chair by her dresser table, enjoying her cup of coffee while they are on a break from rehearsal. She heard a knock on the door.

"Come in."

It's James. "Hi."

"Hi, James. Have a seat." She said softly.

James sat on the empty chair beside her. "How have you been? I know I see you almost everyday now but somehow it still feels like I barely see you. Do you get what I mean?"

Idina gave him a weak smile. _Is he really so daft to not realize that what he's doing can be construed as flirting and that a married man like him is not allowed to do that to any woman other than his wife?_

"I don't see why we should be seeing each other any more than we already do, James." Idina said in a tone that's condescending. "Anyway, to answer your question, I'm good. Things have been crazy lately but it's crazy good. Thank you for asking. How are you?"

"Missing you. I mean, you know, the silly conversations we have. I had so much fun last time. Is there any chance we can do stuff like that again?"

Idina's heart skipped a beat but she feigned disinterest. _Why is he doing this to me? He's a fine specimen of the male species; it's hard not to swoon. Then again, I can swoon internally so..._ "Why, may I ask?" She said, coy.

"I just wanna hangout."

"Will your wife be okay with you hanging out with me?"

"Dee."

"James." Idina said, shaking her head.

Silence ensued. He looked so forlorn and defeated, Idina couldn't help herself but take pity on him. _He must get lonely since his family is not here with him. Maybe he just needs company and I'm over-thinking this._

"Walker's gonna be with his Dad for the next couple of days."

His face lit up. "So, can I take you out to dinner tonight? We never got the chance to do the sushi and wine."

_You can take me here right now on my dresser table, if you want to. Oh, I can flirt with him on the inside._ "You had me at Sushi." She smiled, amused at her own thoughts.

"Great! So, I'll be picking you around 8?"

Idina grinned. "I see what you did there. Yes, 8 is fine."

"Alright, break's almost over. I'll see you tonight." James stood up.

Idina smiled. "Tonight."

_I swear when she smiles like that, it's like seeing the sun rise on the horizon. Can I kiss her? I want to kiss her so bad. In fact, I want to do more than just kiss her._ In the end, he pinched the tip of her nose in his attempt at trying to make things just casual between them. "See you later, girl friend."

_Girl friend? Girlfriend? Stop fucking with my heart, Snyder._ Idina sighed. She drank the last of her coffee while checking out James' ass when he turned around to leave. _Oh, what I would give to grab that ass right now._ She just sported a wicked grin on that thought.

Later that night...

Dinner went well. As it turns out, Sushi is one of Idina's favorite things and the sushi place they went to was awesome. The conversation was easy and bordered on downright flirty. She looked incredibly hot in her little red number, it made James totally forget that he's married. _She's breathtakingly beautiful._

He offered to walk her back up to her apartment. They lingered at the hallway for a bit, looking the part of love struck teenagers not wanting to end the night just yet.

_I know all the motions, the steps to every dance..._ But this is a different kind of dance they are doing. It's the kind that only they can do; because the music is coming from their hearts and the steps they make depends on whether or not they let the dictates of their hearts run the course of their lives. This is the Tango to Hell.

"Thank you for dinner, I had a great time. How did you know I love sushi?" Idina asked as she unlocked the door to her apartment.

"I didn't. It was a lucky guess."

She smiled at him in a way that made his heart beat faster than normal.

"I better go in, I'm kinda sleepy, James. That wine was good!" Idina moved her gaze from his eyes to his mouth. _Kiss me, dammit!_

_I'm kinda in love. Don't look at me like that, Idina. It has taken a lot of self-control not to jump at you the moment you walked out of this door wearing that red dress. And if you keep looking at me like that, I'm not sure I'm going to last any longer._ James smiled back at her, sighing deeply. He moved his gaze down to her body and whistled. "You know, you shouldn't be allowed to wear a red dress, Dee."

"But why?"

"You look so good in them it's illegal." James whispered as he leaned in. He lifted her chin up with his index finger then gave her a soft peck at just the corner of her lips, teasing. Idina placed her hands on his chest but James pulled away. "Good night." He said while looking longingly at her. She nodded reluctantly, "Good night, James.

Idina took her stilettos off then paced back and forth when she got inside her apartment. _He's married. Get a grip. But he's clearly so into me. He's married. But what if he's meant to be mine? Ugh, fuck it!_ Idina opened the door and sprinted towards the elevator. She got in just before the doors closed. James was surprised when Idina swooped in. _Damn this woman! God, help me!_ But he had never seen a woman clad in a red dress, barefoot and out of breath so attractive in his whole life. All that's left of his self-control just went flying out of the window. He pinned her up against the wall, pressed his body against hers and kissed her...


	9. Sinful Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (If you don't like smut, don't scroll down. If you like smut, I suggest listening to Idina's vagina monologues to get the reference. It's more fun!)

Idina wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers buried in the mass of his hair, her lips moving with his. She moaned when she felt him hard against her. "James... my apartment.. security cameras..." Idina somehow managed to mumble through the tongue-sucking and lip biting. James groaned as he pressed her floor number. They never even made it to her bedroom. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he grabbed Idina by the waist, her back facing him. One hand cupped her breast over the fabric of her dress while the other snaked under it, his finger stroking her sweet spot over the lace of her thong. She gasped. It was a welcome relief to that aching spot the entire evening. Idina wrapped an arm around his neck while her head fell back on his shoulder giving him access to the side of her neck.

"You smell so good." James whispered then nipped her earlobe. When James traced the outline of her shoulder with his tongue while his fingers worked skillfully on her sex and her breast, she was about ready to explode. "Oh God." Idina whimpered. She turned around to kiss him on the lips while their hands ripped each other's clothes off. James took a moment to study Idina's naked form while she burned with desire user his gaze. He pinned her against the door, grabbing her ass to support her weight as she wrapped her legs around his waist. They moaned loudly as he sank into her. James moved his hips expertly, taking them both for a swim to the sea of sinful pleasure. "James... Right there... Yes... Oh god... OH MY GOD... Fuck!" Idina clawed at the skin on his back when she came, the waves of her orgasm rippled around him tipping him over the edge. James kissed her, moaning into her mouth as he rode out his orgasm. "James, that was... Take me to my bed..."

Idina woke up to soft kisses on her shoulder and neck. She stirred and stretched. _Oh God, I'm so sore. I'm pretty sure I had more than enough sex last night to last me a couple of months._

"Good morning, sleepyhead." James whispered in her ear.

She turned around to face him. He's laid down on his stomach, his hand cupping his chin. "Morning, stud. You're up early."

He smiled.

_My poor heart._ Idina can't help but swoon.

"Yeah. I watched you while you were sleeping. It's the most beautiful thing I've seen."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Messy hair, mouth open and possibly drool. That beautiful thing?"

"No. You look so peaceful when you sleep - free from all your neuroses, as you would call it."

She smiled. _I'm seriously going to fall in love with him if he keeps saying shit like that._ He leaned in for a kiss while she ran her fingers through his hair as she kissed him back. He then snuggled up to her, his arm around her waist, his breathing against the skin of her neck while she played with the hair on his arm. _Morning kisses and cuddling. Who needs coffee? I could get used to this... But this is so wrong... I'm going to send my parents to therapy if they ever find out... I need one myself... I definitely have a screw loose in my head...What if James' wife finds out?... and the torture begins._ Idina pulled away from James and got off the bed.

"Hey, come back to bed."

"I gotta pee." She took one step then grimaced and went back to bed. "Ow..."

"What is it?"

"I am so sore, I can barely walk. That's what it is! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"

James had never laughed so hard. Idina smacked his face with a pillow. "Ow!" James took the pillow off his face then tickled her. "Stop!" Idina squirmed and laughed so hard. "It tickles, damn it!" _The sound of Idina's laugh will be my undoing. I could fall in love with her. Really fall in love with her._ James pulled her close and held her tightly. "I'm scared. What are we doing?" Idina shot him an anguished look. "I've been asking myself the same thing."


	10. Past the Point of No Return

"Let's talk about it over coffee, shall we? I'll go make some."

James gave her one lingering kiss before he let her go. Idina pulled away from him, got off the bed and wore James' white long sleeved polo, using just the one button to hold it together, her hair a tangled mess. James couldn't help but admire Idina's just fucked look. Her tousled hair, the way the fabric of his polo clung to her body, the mounds of her boobs showing, taunting him and the sight of her ass whenever she takes a step.

"I know that look, James. You can wipe the drool off your face." Then she's out the door. James let out a soft chuckle. He got out of bed to find his boxers and followed her into the kitchen, snaking his arms around her waist while resting his chin on her shoulder. "Hmmm... something smells good." James whispered in her ear.

"Me or the coffee?"

"Both."

Idina sat on the edge of the dining table while James parked himself in between her legs, his arm resting on top of her leg while the other held his cup. He sipped his coffee while drinking in the view that's right in front of him. She could feel his gaze on her but she was so lost deep in her thoughts- her failed marriage, Walker, the repercussions of what she and James just shared, again. She took one last sip of her coffee then gently cupped James' face, looking at him straight in the eyes. "Will I sound like a broken record If I tell you that what happened last night can never happen again?"

James didn't speak. Instead, he unbuttoned the shirt she's wearing and suckled on her breasts. Idina's body responded involuntarily, a slave to his touch. Her back arched and her head fell back in pleasure while her fingers fisted his hair. "James... I'm trying to talk... aaaaah...," she moaned when he flicked his tongue on her nipple. Every time she tried to say a word, James did something with his tongue and mouth and she just loses her resolve. When he started licking her pleasure button, Idina gave up entirely and wrapped her legs around his neck. Her screams of pleasure filled up the apartment as James ate her out.

Sexual Healing.

James fell limp on top of her as he rode out his orgasm. When he came to, he whispered, "It's a good thing this table is sturdy."

"I'm surprised it didn't collapse with how hard you rode me." She smiled against the skin of his neck.

"Does this answer your question awhile back? Don't ask me again, you know what's gonna happen." James asked as he got off of her and sat back on his chair. Idina rose and rearranged her shirt. She got off the table and sat on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck while her head rested on his. "I think we're past the point of no return, James." Idina cringed at her own admission.

"There's no turning back, Dee." James sighed as he hugged her tight.


	11. It's Always Been You

"I stink. I could really use a hot bath right now." Idina whispered.

"You smell of sex. It's such a turn on! Mmmmm..." James nuzzled her neck.

"You're insatiable."

"Can you blame me? If I could have you all day, I would. And we have to make the most out of this morning since Walker is coming back later today. Now, about that hot bath..." He smirked.

"On it!" Idina got off from his lap and made her way towards the bathroom to get the bath ready. Just thinking about it gave her chills already. James got inside as she was about to unbutton the polo. Idina felt him behind her, his hands over hers. "Allow me." James whispered in her ear. He nipped at her earlobe as he took her shirt off, touching the skin on her arms as he did. Idina sighed at the sensation. She turned around and kissed him while her finger snaked at the waistband of his boxers to pull it down. "Well, something else is excited to get into the tub." Idina smirked as she looked down at his hard member. James just smirked and carried her into the tub.

Idina's back was against James' chest while her hand gently rubbed a washcloth on James' thigh. He started kneading her shoulder. "Oh God, baby that feels so good."

"Did you just call me baby?" He whispered.

"Did I just? Oh shut up!" She blushed.

James worked his way down her back. Idina closed her eyes and felt her soreness go away. She suddenly felt the urge to talk serious while he worked on her knots. "I hate myself for doing this, James. It's already gnawing at my conscience but I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. I tried so hard. Ever since we started working together in D.C., I kinda always had a thing for you but I kept it in because I was married and so were you. And just when I thought I made it through the end without any incident, we got drunk and shit happened." Idina started tearing up; the gravity of what they are doing is sinking in.

James wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in so her head rested against his shoulder. She then held his hand and played with his fingers while she spoke to him. "I met you at a time in my life when my marriage was crumbling. We worked so hard to save the relationship, it just took out the joy of being in it in the end. I still feel an old familiar pain and I cry whenever I think of him. I mean, why not? We've been together for a long time. I really thought he was my forever. It has always been him for me. And a lot of times, you reminded me so much of him way back when we first fell in love. But is that an excuse for what I did? For what we are doing right now? It's not and it's killing me. And what about your family? Oh God. James, I just feel so awful. I ---"

James cupped her chin then kissed her on the lips to stop her from torturing herself furthermore. "Shhh, we'll figure something out. We'll figure this out, okay? Just give me time."

Idina nodded and nuzzled his neck to stifle her sobs. "What do you see in me anyway? I'm 10 years your senior. I've seen a picture of your wife, she's very pretty." Idina asked him softly. James kissed her forehead before he spoke. "Dee, you are very beautiful. You really have to realize that. On top of that you're like sex on a stick who sings like a dream. Do you have any idea how many sleepless nights your ass gave me when I saw it in the movie Rent?

Idina smiled. "Sometimes it feels like my ass is bigger than I am." She snorted.

James chuckled. "Well, you could say that," he reached down to touch her butt "it's such a fine ass." Idina gave him a kiss on his temple. "Then there's Elphaba." James went on. "You rocked the green witch like no one else did, putting me under your spell. But you've been married then and remained that way for a very long time. I didn't stand a chance. Then I met Jacq, we fell in love and got married. But you remained to be the dream girl that I could never have. You see, it's always been you for me. I could really fall in love with you. Or I may already have."

That was all it took for Idina to pull away and straddle him. She cupped his face and kissed him long and hard. When James' lips found their way to her breast, she surrendered. It just feels so right when their bodies are all tangled up like this - every single kiss and touch that lead to that blissful moment when they are one is enough for her to forget her cares. In that moment, all that matters was him and her in their own bubble of happiness. She bucked her hips a few more times then it came, ripping them both apart. Her fingers dug on the skin of his shoulder while he bit hers to stifle his moan. They lay spent on the tub until the water got cold...


	12. Such a Baby

**Rehearsal**

Idina got into the theatre alone. She and James agreed not to arrive together to avoid rousing suspicion. She shook her head. _I still can't believe what I have gotten myself into._ Idina mentally kicks herself every chance she got so she tried to keep herself busy with hanging her photographs. She already warmed up in the shower at home so she was only waiting for rehearsal to start. She was just admiring a photograph of her and Walker back when she just gave birth to him when her message alert went off.

It was from James."Missing you already."

Idina can't help but smile while she typed in her reply. "We've only been apart for two hours."

James: "But I miss you. Is that a crime now?"

Idina: "It is actually. It's called cheating on your wife."

James: "Don't go there, baby."

Idina: "Did you just call me baby?"

James: "Did I just...? Why not? You're my baby now."

Idina melted. _If only James could see me grinning like an idiot right now._ She shook her head as she texted him back, "Am I?"

James: "Don't get cute."

Idina: "Oh, but I am."

James: "My baby?"

Idina: "Cute." James grinned like a fool in love. _That you are, baby. That you are._

Idina waited for his reply. _What's taking him so long? Is he texting a novel?_ Just then she heard a knock on the door; when she opened it, there he was, his boyish good looks slaying her. He got in and quickly locked the door behind him. "James, we're about to start..." He pulled her in and kissed her on the lips, gently at first then Idina started nipping at his lower lip. James groaned as he deepened the kiss, fighting her tongue with his. Idina ran her hands from his chest to the nape of his neck - one hand clawed at the skin just below it while the other laced her fingers with his hair. James moved his hands down to her butt, gently caressing and squeezing them. "Christ, woman! You feel so good." James said softly against her lips, his breathing ragged. Idina panted. "James..." She bit his lower lip harder this time, letting out her sexual frustration into the bite. James groaned. It drew blood.

A loud knock on the door startled both of them. "Idina, rehearsal is about to strart now. Are you ready?"

"I'll be, just a minute!" She answered without opening the door.

"Have you seen James? He's not in his dressing room." The staff on the other end asked.

"No, I don't know where he is!"

"Okay, I'll go find him. They're waiting for you out there!" Then the staff went away.

James nuzzled her neck to stifle his laughter. Idina pulled away from him and smacked him on his chest. "You need to go ahead." She said as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were still flushed. She straightened up her clothes and tied her hair in a bun. James came beside her to examine his lips. "Look, your bite drew blood." He pouted. Idina ran her thumb on the tiny wound. "That's not life threatening! Don't be such a baby."

"Your baby?" James smirked. She rolled her eyes at him. "Oh give it up and please act your age. We're not fucking teenagers anymore."

"True, but we're definitely fucking." James quipped. Idina rolled her eyes at him. I'm not leaving until I hear you say it." James held on to her waist trying to kiss her while Idina stepped back to avoid him until she finally hit a wall. "James, we're running late. C'mon." She whined.

"Say the words." James pressed his body to hers then kissed the skin just below her earlobe. Idina felt a chill run down her spine when she felt his hardness against her sex. It just amazes her that this man, this handsome, youthful man right in front of her could want her so much. She gently caressed his face then kissed that part of his lip that she bit. She then brought her lips to his ears and whispered, "Yes, I'm your baby and you are mine."

"It isn't so hard to say now, is it?" Idina nodded.

James kissed her on the forehead. "I'll go ahead. See you at the stage, baby." He winked then left.

She took a few moments to steady her breathing then got out of her dressing room. When Idina arrived at the stage she overheard Jenn ask James about his lip to which he replied with a lame duck excuse. He stole a quick glance at Idina who was listening in on the conversation looking very amused.

 _My baby. She's just too cute._ James smiled at her. Idina looked at him and gave him a smile that went by like a flash of lightning then she put her game face on as their director yelled, "places!"


	13. We're Not There Yet

**Pre-opening night**

Being lovers in real life while playing lovers in the show made it both easy and hard for them to do their jobs: It's easy because the chemistry comes out naturally; there's no need to fake it. When they're together onstage, sparks fly. But it's also hard because they have to keep the intimacy just enough so as not to give away the true nature of their relationship and to fight against their body's natural instinct to kiss or touch each other passionately is no easy task. But they pulled it off, somehow. When the last line was sung and the music came to an end, everyone was jubilant. They formally open tomorrow night and they are just over the moon about it.

Idina said her quick goodbyes to the rest of the cast before rushing out. She still has to pick up Walker from the hotel where her ex-husband is staying. She checked her phone when she got to her dressing room and saw a lot of missed calls. "Shit!" Idina called the ex and told him she's on her way. She was just about to leave when James got in.

"Hey, hold up. Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye at least?"

"James, I'm running late. I gotta go pick up Walker."

"Can I come with?"

"What?! No!" Idina said, aghast that he would even want to.

"But I'd love to spend time with you and Walker!" James protested.

"We're not there yet, James. We're not there yet. I'll call you later. Bye." Idina kissed him quickly on the lips then left.

* * *

 

Ever since the separation, Idina sleeps with Walker on her bed. She was just reading to him his bedtime story when halfway through it, he fell asleep. She tucked him in then kissed him on the forehead. She remembered she promised to call James so she went to the living room to make the call. Just hearing his voice over the phone gave her so much joy.

Idina: "Hey. I'm sorry I couldn't let you come with me earlier." She said softly. "It's just that Walker is really possessive of me and..." She trailed off.

James: "It's okay, I understand."

Idina: "You're not mad?"

James: "No, baby. I'm not."

That put a smile on her face. Idina: "I missed you." She said longingly. Before she could hear James' answer, the doorbell rang. She looked at the video monitor and saw him. She felt her heart do a back flip. _Why do I still get weak in the fucking knees?! Aren't I too old for this shit?!_ She opened the door to let him in. With her hands on her waist, she told him off in mock anger. "James... You can't be here! Not when Walker's around."

"I miss you too." He said smiling at her then pulled her in for a kiss. Idina melted in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back.

"Please just let me sleep beside you tonight? Please?" James said when he broke away from the kiss.

"Walker and I sleep on the same bed, James."

"Is he still awake?"

"No." Can I just snuggle up to you then leave before he wakes up tomorrow?" James whispered in her ear then nibbled her earlobe. His lips made their way to the skin just below it. He used his lips and tongue on that part of her body to persuade her. Idina moaned softly. _Damn it! He knows exactly how to get me to say yes_. Before she could stop herself she had agreed to let him stay the night. "On two conditions. Promise me, no funny business, okay? And make sure you leave before he wakes up. I don't wanna have to explain to him why you are in my bed! He wakes up at 6AM, set the alarm. I swear I'm going to kick you in the balls if he finds you in bed with us!" Idina said firmly.

"Promise and will do, sweetheart." James smiled triumphantly. "Can we stay out here for a bit longer? I'm not sleepy yet. Talk for a while?" James looked at her with a naughty twinkle in his eyes. She smirked at him. Idina knows exactly they won't be doing much talking but she gave in anyway. She could use a pre-opening night tryst to chase the nerves away. They lounged in the couch with Idina lying down, her head resting on James' lap while he gently caressed her abs. He trailed his fingers up, tracing the outline of her breasts. Idina felt a chill run through her and that familiar stirring in her loins when James body is next to hers. He can just sit right next to her and she'd still be so turned on. _My vagina really needs to chill!_ But when James started to roll her nipple in between his fingers then roughly cupped and kneaded her breasts, she burned with desire, her body's need for release overcame her. Idina gasped. "James..." "Hmmm...?" "St-- ahhhh..." Idina moaned when James moved his hand down to her sex stroking her, "...don't stop..." She felt him grow hard against her head. She unzipped his pants and freed his hard member from his boxers. She teased the head, licking and sucking it while her hand moved up and down it's shaft. James groaned. If anything, Idina's oral sex skill is just as good as her singing. "Fuck! Dee..." He hovered on all fours on top of her, supporting his weight with his elbows and knees while he positioned his head in between her thighs, pleasuring her with his tongue and fingers while Idina pleasured him with her mouth and hand. As James' fingers went deeper into her, sucking her into a vortex of pleasure, she took him deeper into her mouth, taking him with her.

Their coupling is the perfect embodiment of their relationship - give and take. Each wanting to give what they can take from one another: love, trust, physical release. Happiness. When they exploded on each other, they forgot about the lying and deceit that got them to this point. In that moment of orgasmic bliss, everything is right in their world and nobody is getting hurt.

 _In a perfect world, he has no wife and he is mine._ Idina thought as she lay spent on the couch.

"Dee..." James trailed off, scared to tell her his feelings. _In a perfect world, I have no wife and you are mine._

"I'm sleepy. Let's go to bed." Idina cut him off, scared of what he might say. Idina took him to her bedroom. She snuggled up to Walker while James snuggled up to her, wrapping an arm around her waist while his legs laced with hers.

"Goodnight, baby." James whispered in her ear.

She smiled. She loves it when he calls her that. "Night, babe."

They dozed off, the three of them snuggled up to one another. They look exactly like a portrait of a perfect family. Except they're not.

James woke up to a pair of eyes looking at him disapprovingly. Walker is awake! He blanched. _Holy shit! My poor balls! Idina's going to kill me!_ James cursed himself for forgetting to set the alarm.


	14. Falling Slowly

Walker leaned in to kiss Idina on her cheek then sat upright to face James. He looked at him disapprovingly, wary of a stranger whose arms and limbs are all tangled up with his mom's. The poor kid doesn't know what to make of it. The only person whom he saw do this to his mom is his Dad. And this man is not his Dad.

They stared at each other for a bit then Walker reached out for his mom's shoulder to wake her up but James motioned for him to stop. He placed his index finger against his lips signaling him to be quite. James slowly detached himself from Idina and got off the bed. He motioned for Walker to come with him. It took a whole lot of urging before Walker finally got off the bed and came to him. He scooped him in his arms and carried him outside the bedroom.

Idina slowly opened her eyes. She had been woken up by Walker's kiss earlier since that is how he wakes her up every morning but she decided to play dead when she realized James hadn't left yet. She stayed in bed and decided she'd let him sweat for a little while longer. Meanwhile, James took Walker to the kitchen.

"Who are you?" He asked, looking at him with inquisitive eyes.

"I'm a friend of your mom."

"Why did you sleep on our bed? Only Daddy sleeps there. You're not daddy!" Walker said, a little upset.

James didn't know what to do with himself or what to tell him. _How do you explain something so complicated to a 4 year old?_ He decided to just distract him. "Hungry?" Walker nodded.

"Do you want me to make dinosaur pancakes?"

His face brightened up. "Yes! Favorite!"

He breathed a sigh of relief. _Whew!_ It's a good thing he already knows his way around the kitchen. He set out to make pancakes and brew coffee. When he was done he set breakfast on the table and got him milk. He sat Walker on the chair opposite him and watched him eat while he sipped his coffee.

"What's your name?" Walker asked in between bites.

"James." He stretched his tiny arms out to James.

"Hi James, I'm Walker." He said cutely.

James melted. "Hi, little guy. How do you like your pancakes?"

"Better than mom's!" He exclaimed then giggled.

_Okay, he's definitely got his mother's charm._ James thought to himself.

Idina witnessed all of it when she peeped her head out of the bedroom door and just lost it. She curled up on her bed and cried. Somehow, she's happy that they got along and that Walker did not throw a fit at James but also fuming at the same time because Walker's going to be asking a lot of questions about James from now on and not just to her but possibly to his dad especially now that Walker knows James' name. _See, this is exactly the kind of bullshit I didn't want to deal with, in the first place._ Idina laid on the bed to calm herself down before going out of the bedroom. She rarely ever lets her son see her upset. Even when the separation was fresh back then, she only allowed herself to break down when she's alone.

When she got to the kitchen, you cannot tell she had just a meltdown a few minutes earlier, except for her puffy eyes which she can always attribute to having just woken up. She gave James a look that made him cringe and want to just run out of there fast as he could then she hugged Walker and beamed at him.

"Good morning, baby boy. You left mommy in bed alone." She pouted.

Walker drank his milk then pointed to James. "He made me." Walker tugged at her hand. "He made pancakes, mom. More delicious than..." He then covered his mouth and giggled.

"More delicious than mine, huh?" She then tickled him. Walker squirmed. "Moooom!"

"Are you done, baby?" Walker nodded. "Okay, go to your room and play. Mommy needs to talk to James."

"Okay." He smiled at James then went to his room.

Idina sat on the chair next to him. She looked at him without saying anything. James felt uneasy so he got up to get her coffee. She accepted it. "What happened to getting out of here before Walk wakes up?" She said after taking a sip.

James scratched his head. "Sorry, I forgot. And good morning to you, too."

"Morning." Idina smiled weakly at him. I'm just worried. I heard your conversation with him. You had to tell my son what your name is. Now, he's going to be asking his Dad about you. See, this is exactly why I didn't want you to come over when he is here. We have to be careful James. This relationship, whatever this is, isn't exactly the kind that we could flaunt and definitely not the kind that I would want my son to know about, you know what I mean?" She looked at her fingers and picked at her nails as she fought back tears.

"I know. I really am sorry but what's done is done. I can't undo it. And who knows if Walker will remember me if he's with his Dad. He might not even mention me to him."

"Oh, he will, James. I know my son." She closed her eyes trying to brush away the thought of having to answer for her action to someone who doesn't deserve any explanation anyway.

James sighed. "Please forgive me?"

Idina nodded. The fault isn't entirely his anyway. She allowed herself to be weak and be persuaded by him to let him stay the night. She has her own share of the blame. She got up, sat on his lap and kissed him while James wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back. When he holds her in his arms like this, everything just seemed right with the world. He knows that he doesn't have any right to wax poetic about this because he is married but it just feels like he is exactly where he wants to be. He remembered having told her before that he may already have fallen in love with her but that was not definitive. But now, right at this moment, he is sure of it. He tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear then gently caressed her cheek. Right now seems to be the perfect time to let her know. But how? You say it better with a song, Snyder.

"Falling slowly, eyes that know me and I can't go back..." James sang softly to her as he looked into her eyes. His hands moved to find hers and laced his fingers with hers. "I love you."

"James..." Idina felt it too as she looked right back at him. She had always been attracted to him but she wasn't sure then if it was love. But now, looking into his eyes like this, seeing a reflection of her feelings in there, she just can't deny it anymore; she's falling in love with him - to him who is a married man. It's wrong. It sucks. But it cannot be helped. She tried and failed miserably. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her face against his while James planted a kiss on her temple.

"Falling slowly, sing your melody I'll sing along..." She felt tears stream down her face as she sang that line to him. She held on to him tightly, looking for comfort from being overwhelmed by her own feelings. "I love you, too." Idina said softly.


	15. You Make Me Wanna

Applause filled the theatre as the cast made their curtain call during opening night. It was a proud moment for Idina and everyone else involved in the production - to know that everything you've worked hard for all those years has paid off. Everyone rushed off stage to get ready for the after-party. James couldn't go to Idina's dressing room even if he wanted to so badly because it was full of people who were going to help her get ready for the party.

When Idina got back to her dressing room, she saw a bouquet of white roses on her dresser. She picked up the card to see who it was from and immediately smiled when she read the message.

"You're amazing, as always. I love you. ~ J"

Her dresser noticed and asked, "From someone special, I presume?" Idina checked herself then shrugged her shoulders. "No, it's from a fan." She smiled at her then got ready.

When she arrived at the venue, she couldn't get an alone time with James because she had to do interviews and pose for photographs. The only time she ever got to be with him alone was when they posed together. Then she had to head home earlier than everyone else to relieve the babysitter. After putting Walker to sleep, she read the reviews and the articles related to the show's opening night. Some reviews were good while others weren't so. It sucks but you just can't please everyone so she just had to deal with that. She got to the after-party photos and looking at the pictures of her and James, it was just way too obvious. Someone would have to be blind to not even wonder if something was going on between them. Then she saw that picture with him and his wife. It left a bad taste in her mouth. She put her phone down and laid on her bed, tossing and turning because a) he didn't text her and b) tortured about the fact he is with her right now. _Yeah, perks of being a mistress._ She can't remember how long she stayed that way until sleep finally had mercy on her.

When she went to the theatre on tuesday, she was still in a foul mood. The day off didn't do her any good. Just another day spent waiting for the text or call that never came. She was just about to do her warm-up when James let himself in her dressing room. He locked the door behind him, hugged her from behind and kissed her on the cheek. "Hi baby, I missed you."

She pulled away from him. "I bet you did. I saw your wife at the after-party. She's here. Cut the crap."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know she was coming. It was a surprise."

Idina sighed. "I'm sorry, James. I have no right whatsoever. Just leave. I need to get ready."

"I'm not getting out of here till you say we're okay."

She said nothing then made her way to the shower to get warmed- up leaving James with no choice but to leave. Later that night at stage door, Idina was still fuming. She barely smiled at the people whose stuff she had to sign on and deep down she felt bad about it but she just couldn't help herself. _They probably think I'm still not over the ex-husband. If they only knew it's James..._ He was on the other end, signing too but she chose to ignore him. She got in the car then went home. Idina had just put Walker down to sleep who insisted on sleeping in his room tonight when the doorbell rang. She saw James and let him in.

"Why are you here?" She said as she moved away from him.

"Is Walker asleep?" James asked.

"Yeah, in his room."

He held her hand and dragged her towards her bedroom. She looked at him as she sat on her bed. "Your wife might be looking for you. You shouldn't be here."

"She left for L.A. this morning." He sat beside her on her bed. Idina just sat there and sulked.

"Someone's jealous." He smirked at her. Idina crossed her arms on her chest and rolled her eyes at him. "No, I'm not!"

"I think you are." She palmed her face to hide her reddening face. "Of course, I am. Fuck you! Just go away!"

He chuckled then knelt in front of her. He rested his face against her chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Dee, you know I love you. I'm sorry. I know I promised I'll do something about it but it's not that easy, okay? Give me some time, please?"

Idina couldn't help herself even if she wanted to. This man owns her. And when he's being sweet this way, how can she not melt? She was still mentally fighting against giving in to her feelings but then James took his phone out and played Usher's You Make Me Wanna. He stood up and started dancing and lip syncing to it. She couldn't help but giggle at his silliness. _I gotta hand it to him. He would do just about anything just to perk me up which he is actually doing such a good job at right now._ She thought while she checked out his dancing skill. She laughed so hard when he got so into the song and started dancing provocatively.

"Are you twerking for me?"

"No, baby. Just getting into the groove yo! Dance with me."

"No, I can't dance." She whined.

"Yes, you can Maureen." He said as he grabbed her hands and pulled her up. "Just slow dance like this. Follow my lead." He said as he started grinding against her. Idina just giggled while trying to match his moves. "There you go. Next thing I know, you'll be twerking for me."

"Not happening." She said, sticking her tongue out at him. He took her by surprise by catching her tongue in between his lips and sucking on it. She moaned softly while her breathing becomes shallow and her hands made their way to his chest. They made out while slow dancing to the song. James ran his lips from hers to her cheek then her ear. He then softly sang into it. "You make me wanna leave the one I'm with, start a new relationship with you. This is what you do..."

That was literally music to her ears. It's a promise, a ray of hope - of something to hold on to and to look forward to. And what woman in love wouldn't be fool enough to fall for that? She's no different. She cupped his chin then looked into his eyes. "I love you too much for my own good." She kissed him long and hard while her hands started peeling his clothes off of him. She suddenly felt the urgency to feel him so badly - the warmth of his body against hers, him inside her. "I want you. Now!" Idina groaned as James undressed her. She wanted it rough tonight. She tugged at his hair, bit and clawed at his skin and bucked her hips roughly against his. "Fuck!" Idina screamed as she exploded around him and was lost in that place where James never fails to take her every time. When she came to, she kissed him softly. "I'm sorry about those." She said when she saw the bite marks.

"It's okay, baby. You really missed me huh?" He teased her.

"Shut up!" She said in jest. Idina snuggled up to him, resting her head on his chest. He fell asleep first while she laid there being lulled by the beating of his heart until she fell asleep. She woke up early the following morning. She watched him sleep for a bit then smiled bitterly. _He's so handsome. And I am so in love with him._ She traced the outline of his nose down to his lips with her fingers. She felt the hair on his chest.

James opened up his eyes and checked the clock on her bedside table. "It's too early!" He whined.

"You have to go before Walker wakes up. Morning."

He pinned her beneath him then peppered her with kisses. Idina giggled.

"See when you smile and giggle like that, I know that everything is right with the world. And you're beautiful. And I love you. And can I just stay and let's just -"

"You have to go." Idina cut him off. She kissed him then pushed him away. He dragged his sleepy ass off the bed then got dressed. Idina put a robe on then walked him to the door. They lingered for a bit and made out.

"Go." She said when she broke the kiss. "One last kiss." James would then pull her in. It went on for a bit until Idina finally and firmly said no.

"I'll see you tonight. Love you." James kissed her one last time.

"Okay, love you too." She went back to bed to catch some sleep before Walker wakes her up. The elevator doors opened just as James got there. The woman who got out looked at him curiously as she stepped out. James racked his sleepy brains out to remember who she was.

"I know her... She's, oh crap!"


	16. Chasing our Hearts' Desire

Idina was just about to doze off again when the doorbell rang. She groaned. _Damn it, James!_ She opened it without bothering to check who it was. "Did you forget something?!" She said sassily.

"Good morning, honey."

"Mom! What are you doing here so early?!" Idina is suddenly wide awake now.

Helene hugged Idina then gave her a peck on the cheek. "Well, I came here to surprise my daughter and grandchild with breakfast. I didn't think I'd be the one who'd end up getting surprised." Helene said sternly after she put the bag of breakfast on the table.

"What are you talking about, mom?" She said as she followed her mother into the kitchen.

"Let's just say a fetching young man stepped into the elevator as I was getting out of it. Crumpled clothes, disheveled blonde hair and I happen to know him to be married. You know, your co-star, James? Don't you think it's too much of a coincidence that he's been on the same floor where your apartment is?" Helene said setting up the bait, waiting for Idina to bite. Idina felt the blood drain from her face. To say that she's embarrassed is an understatement. She sat on the couch and picked on her nails looking guilty as hell, not knowing what to say.

"Explain yourself, child." Helene said when she sat right next to Idina.

Idina tried to come up with excuses but she came up blank. Besides, it didn't feel right to lie to her mother. _Fuck it, what's the point in lying?_ And quite frankly, she needed someone to talk to about James. This thing with him is overwhelming, she could use her mom's advice. So, she flung herself into Helene and curled up in her lap. "Mom... I... It just happened so quickly. I tried to fight it but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Helene held her in her arms. "Tell that to his wife and child. How long has this been going on?"

Idina sighed deeply. "Few weeks. I know it's wrong. But I love him, mom. I think I already do."

Are you hearing yourself?!" Helene exclaimed. "Honey, you know exactly how it feels like to be in his wife's shoes. Now, what makes you any better then from all those women who caused you pain? You need to stop! Get a grip, Idina!"

Idina said nothing more. She knew her mother was right. She just held on to her mother for comfort. Helene kissed her cheek. "I know it's tough, honey, but you can't just go around stepping on other people's toes just so you could be happy. It is not right. How can you even be happy knowing that you are hurting his wife and child?"

"Don't think I don't know that mom. I just...well, I don't know... the sex is so good I just can't think straight anymore!" Idina made an attempt at humor to lighten up the mood.

"Classic Idina. Pull out a dirty joke to get the topic out of the way." Helene shook her head. "I know it's your life and you are old enough to make your own decisions but please just try to do what's right, okay? Think about the ramifications of your actions - the scandal, how it would affect Walker and your career. You worked so hard to get to where you are now. Don't let it go to waste to chase some pipe dream."

Idina smiled bitterly. "I know. I've been thinking about all that. A lot. It's just... He makes me so happy. He really does, mom."

"Doesn't take away the fact that he's married. Being happy with him does not a justification make for your actions."

Idina sighed. "Are you mad at me?" She is every inch an adult but in that moment, she was everything a child is - lost and vulnerable. Helene smiled at her while she cupped her chin. "No. Disappointed, yes. But like I said, it's your life. If you need to talk, I'm just here. Okay? I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too, mom. So, breakfast?"

"I'll go wake Walker up." Helene stood up to go to Walker's bedroom.

* * *

 

Idina went to the theatre earlier than usual. She needed to talk to James, to tell him what happened. She already called so he should be here anytime soon. She was sitting on the chair across her dresser table, mulling over everything her mother told her. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She saw a woman who looked beat. Sure, life had been good to her. She's finally at a point in her career where she could not ask for anything more but life is not a bed of roses. The bad came along with the good but she has dealt with it and she thought she had finally moved on with her life, that things were finally getting back to normal. Then James happened. It just felt like she flung herself into the depths of hell to see heaven and then back again. These are not pretty thoughts but this is reality and reality bites. _It is time to face the cold hard truth._

James went straight to Idina's dressing room when he got to the theatre. He kissed her then sat on the empty chair next to her. "Babe, I think it was your mother on the elevator this morning." He said, looking very worried.

Idina smiled bitterly. "Yes, James. I took an earful before I even had coffee yet so yeah, I had a great morning. But don't worry, we worked it out in the end."

James breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh God, good to know. I was really worried."

"Which brings me to the reason why I wanted to talk to you." She said softly. She reached out for his hand, held it and played with his fingers for a bit then she started tearing up. What she was about to tell him was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make but one that was needed to be made. She looked into his eyes, pleading for understanding for what she was about to tell him. "James..."

 _She's throwing in the towel._ James knew instantly from the look she gave him. It felt as if his heart was being ripped to pieces. "No." He cupped her face with both hands, leaning his forehead against hers. "Don't do this." He whispered against her lips. "Don't say it, please?"

Idina pulled her face a few inches away from him. She cupped his face with one hand, running her thumb across his lips and looked right into his eyes. "This isn't right, James. These past few weeks, we lived in a dream, in a make believe world. It was a happy place. You made me happy than I have ever been and I am so thankful for the memories but it's time we face the truth. I don't want to be the lie you tell to your wife. I don't want to be a home wrecker, either. I don't want that on me because I know exactly how Jacqueline would feel when she finds out. I love you but I can't do this anymore. I'm ending it. Now."

James shook his head while blinking away the tears that had start to form. "I asked for a little more time to sort things up. Don't give up on me so easily."

"Did you not hear what I said? I said don't want you to end your marriage on account of me. It's too much. I can't have that on my conscience. Please just let me go. If you love me just let me go, James." Idina pleaded.

"Bullshit! That's just bullshit. How could anyone let go of someone they love?!" James voice rose up in frustration. The thought of losing her is too unbearable to even think about. He had just started to envision a life with her. He made plans but she couldn't wait.

"When there are bigger things than us and the love we have for each other - your family... mine... my son... the scandal that might arise out of this... I can't deal with all of that. I already have a lot on my plate." Idina said softly.

"You are a coward, Idina, you know that? Why would you do this? We were so happy."

"Because what we're doing is WRONG!" Idina felt her temper rise. James calling him a coward stung. But that's because he was right. And she hated him for saying that to her face. _I love you. I hate you. Fucking cliché._ Idina thought. They stopped talking for a while. They just sat there, holding on to each other. James broke the silence. "It's really over, isn't it?"

She nodded. "It's over." She said as she wiped away the tears.

James cupped her face then kissed her, gently at first then he started to deepen it. Idina kissed with just as much passion as he did but she started to protest when his hands started to snake under her shirt. She pulled away from him and stood up. She could never trust her body. Not around him. But he was relentless. He followed her and pinned her against the wall. His hands moved to unhook her bra then his lips found her nipples, teasing them over and over while his hands caressed her butt. Idina let out a moan while her fingers ran through his hair, allowing her body to betray her one last time. James' lips found their way back to hers. He kissed her while he pressed his hips against hers. "Feel that?" James was panting now. "I will always want you. Need you. Love you. Ending this relationship won't change that. But I won't force you to be with me. So I'm letting you go. Fuck! I love you but I'm letting you go."

She smiled bitterly. "Thank you. I hope we can still be friends. Not right away but..." She sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"We'll see. Take care of yourself." James leaned in to kiss her forehead one last time then turned around and made his way out of there.

"You too, James." She said sadly, watching him walk away. It felt like it would be the last time that she would be seeing him. Sort of. Being the masochist that she is, she got her phone and played You and I reprise. It was the perfect song to cry with. Idina sat on the chair with her feet up, burying her face on her knees while her arms wrapped around them. She finally allowed the tears to fall freely. _I'll have the brownies later._

"You and I, we've seen it all, chasing our hearts' desire, yet we go on pretending, stories like ours have happy endings..."


	17. Fix You

**One week later.**

Idina kept herself busy with Walker, the show and any other commitments that she could get her hands on. She wanted to run herself to the ground so that she'd end up so exhausted that sleep came easier at night. But then there were those times when Walker would spend time with his Dad and Idina was left alone in the apartment with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company.

Tonight was one of those nights when her thoughts take ahold of her and no matter what meditation tricks she used, none worked to keep her mind off of James.She laid on her bed, mulling over her decision to break up with him and arrived yet again at the conclusion that she really did both of them a favor. It wasn't for lack of love. In fact, it was quite the opposite. At the time she made that decision, there really was no doubt in her mind that she loved him and that she could spend the rest of her life with him. But there remained the fact that he's married and having just gotten off from a failed marriage herself, she could not bear to inflict the same pain to his wife, knowing fully well how much it would hurt. She could never live with herself had James left his family for her. Idina knew herself too well to know that it wouldn't have worked out if he did.

Her mind drifted off to the bittersweet memories of their love. They gnawed at her and fueled in her a longing so deep it was unbearable. What she would give to see his smile, hear his voice or feel the warmth of his body next to hers right now. She missed him so much. He took a leave after that night, never to be seen or heard from again. She couldn't count the number of times she picked up her phone to send a message or dial his number only to stop in the middle of doing so. What made her even more miserable is the not knowing. How is he doing? Is he still in NYC or did he go home to L.A? None of the cast members had heard from him either. She so wanted to know that he is alright but she didn't want to be the one to make the first move.

_James... Where are you? Please magically appear beside me right now and snuggle up to me until I fall asleep. I slept better with you beside me..._ She thought as she hugged her pillow tight. She was gripped with such longing that she cried herself to sleep, waking up in the dead of the night reaching out for him. But her hand found nothing but empty space beside her. He's not here. He's never going to be here anymore. She tossed and turned as her thoughts torment her.

**Sunday Matinee**

Idina lounged on her couch inside her dressing room after having talked to Walker on the phone. She felt happy that her son is having a blast with his Dad and Nana, feeling guilty that she had been a crappy company for him since the break-up. She did her best to tend to his needs but sometimes it was just too hard to fake a smile or a laugh when all she ever wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry her eyes out. She decided to stay in for a bit longer, not really wanting to go home to an empty apartment. She can hear the hustle and bustle of the staff outside her dressing room and it made her feel that she's not entirely alone. It's somehow comforting. She fiddled with her phone and ended up looking at her and James' pictures - the one guilty pleasure. She couldn't get around to deleting them just yet. She smiled bitterly as she scrolled through her camera roll until her eyes became blurry with tears. It has always been like that. She sees their picture or hears a song either one of them sang to the other or remembers something they did and an avalanche of emotions would come sweeping at her. She held the phone close to her heart while she wept. She was right in the middle of wallowing in despair when she heard the knock. She quickly fixed herself then opened the door.

_Are you fucking kidding me?! This day has just taken a turn for the worst._

"Hi. We haven't met but I'm sure we both know each other. I'm, Jacqueline."

Idina panicked at the sight of her. _Breathe Idina. Keep calm. Don't give yourself away, you're an actress for fucks sake!_

"Yes, James' wife, of course! Come in." Idina sat on the couch and motioned for her to do the same. "Have a seat. Is there anything I can do for you?" Idina tried all her best to sound casual even though she's a wreck deep inside. Jacqueline sat opposite her. She didn't answer Idina's question but studied her instead. She must admit even in her messy bun, no make-up face and puffy eyes that she's beautiful. I can see why. She thought bitterly.

"Did James send you here to extend his leave?" Idina asked to break the silence. She got so uncomfortable with Jacqueline staring at her like that. "We missed him around here. It's been a week."

"Oh, I'm sure you missed him." Jacqueline said snidely.

Idina was taken aback with the remark. "We really do. I meant the cast." She said, trying to keep her cool.

Jacqueline's lip started to quiver. "You know, James has never been one to let a day go by without texting or calling. No matter how busy he was, he would always let me know how his day went. Lately, I haven't been getting much from him but this past week had been the worst. I haven't heard from him at all which had me worried. I flew in here just this morning and when I got to his apartment, I found him passed out on the couch and he... he..." Jacqueline couldn't continue talking when she started sobbing.

Idina felt the blood drain from her face. "Oh my god, did something happen to him?" She said sounding very worried. Jacqueline stared blankly at Idina while tears streamed down her face. Idina pleaded. "Please? Answer me. Where is he? Is he alright? If something happened to him... This is all my fault... What happened to James?" Idina rambled on. She was so gripped with fear, she dropped the pretense.

Jacqueline calmed herself then spoke: "Do you want to know how he was when I found him? He was so drunk and so out of it he couldn't even recognize his own wife. He kept calling out for your name. Your name, over and over. It stung. I wondered why would my husband call out some other woman's name. I had to know, so, I came here and judging by how miserable you look and your reaction, I have my answer. There is no point in stating the obvious or asking you how it happened or why it happened but let me just ask you, what is wrong with you?! He's married. What?! You couldn't keep it in your pants, you have to hit on my husband? Did he whisper sweet nothings in your ear? Made you breakfast? Fucked you blind? Did he promise to leave me for you? Newsflash: he's never going to be yours. I'm not going to let him go. Do you hear me? He's mine!"

Idina knew she was at fault so she took everything she said in. "There is nothing I could possibly say to you to make you feel better but I am really really sorry. It's over. I ended it." Idina said softly.

"He's still all choked up about it, obviously. I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with him right now without possibly hurting him physically because I am just fuming mad I could kill. I'm still reeling. Do me a favor, will you? Fix him. Bring me back the husband I knew, not that cheating, miserable drunk I found in the apartment." Jacqueline said, the anger in her voice is evident now.

Idina was baffled. "What?! What did you just say?!"

"Fix him. Finish whatever illusions he still may have regarding your relationship. Hurt him. Cut him deeply that he will end up loathing you. Do this and I'll keep mum about everything. I'm pretty sure you don't want this out in the open, right? Because the press will surely have a field day if they find out about this affair."

Jacqueline stood up and headed for the door. Idina looked at her with her mouth agape. _Did she just threaten me?_

Jacqueline turned to speak to her one last time. "By the way, don't tell James I know." With that, she slammed the door shut behind her.


	18. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

Idina wasted no time. As soon as she heard the door slam shut, she grabbed her phone to call James. She needed to make sure he's alright. She will figure out how to deal with the wife's shit later.

_Pick up the phone, damn it!_ Idina walked back and forth as she waited for him to answer the call which took painstakingly long enough.

James was laid out on the couch, nursing a very bad hangover, waiting for the aspirin to take its effect. He vaguely remembered someone trying to wake him up and thought it was Idina but when he came to no one was there. _Yeah, right! Why would she be here?_

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. Caller ID showed the face of the woman he had just been thinking about. _Damn it, Idina! I'm trying to let go of you here._ He shook his head in exasperation. He rejected her call but she kept calling back. _Persistent, aren't we? But what if it's an emergency?_ James tapped the screen to answer the call. "Hi."

_Finally!_ "James, hi! How have you been?" She asked softly, keeping her emotions bottled in.

"Let's see, apart from this monstrous hangover and a grumbling stomach, I am just peachy. Who wants to know?" James answered.

Idina rolled her eyes. "Sarcasm?"

"Why exactly are you calling me? Last time I checked, you didn't want to have anything to do with me." He sniped.

She let out a long sigh. "I haven't heard from you and I got worried. James, just because we ended the affair doesn't mean we can't be friends. I still care about you. You know, as a friend would." She said softly.

He went silent for awhile, digesting what she just said. "Okay. I figured I can't just ignore you and since you're the reason why I am such a mess right now, will you do me a favor FRIEND? Will you come over, bring me loads of food and coffee from Starbucks? Will you do that for your good 'ol FRIEND?" James said.

"Wow! It's amazing how well you can convey that sarcasm. Your drama teacher taught you well. I'll be right over." Idina said sassily then hung up. _Please! Don't act like you're the only one who's miserable. I am too._ She thought bitterly.

James took that time to take a shower and made himself presentable. It was hard for him to admit that he was excited to see her. But he was so. She still has that effect on him. _There's just no getting over her._ When he finished dressing up, he went back to the couch and turned the TV on. A football game was on and his team was playing.

The doorbell rang. He got up to open the door and stood transfixed at the doorway when he saw her. He could feel his heart beating fast like it was going to burst from so much happiness. _Even though she had dark circles under her eyes, she's still so breathtakingly beautiful._

Awkward silence.

Idina felt her heart skip a beat, her knees turned jelly, felt butterflies in her stomach - the whole nine yards. Clearly, he still has that effect on her. "Hey." She said timidly.

James gave her a weak smile. "Come on in." He took the bag of food she was carrying and told her to sit on the couch while he set the food on the table. He came to fetch her when he was done. "Will you come join me?"

"I'm good. You go on ahead and eat." She never took her gaze off the TV.

"Look, there's more than enough food for the both of us and I'm just gonna sit out here until you say yes." He pressed.

"Damn it, you're stubborn!" Idina gave him the look of exasperation then stood up and made her way towards the dining table. James followed her, smiling at his small victory over her, while he checked her out. Even in sweater, sweatpants and flip flops she looked really cute and so damn sexy! She's the only woman he knows who can be both. He loved the way the fabric of her sweatpants clung to her ass. _Look somewhere else, Snyder._ He shook off the nasty thoughts that came to mind.

They got to the table and sat opposite each other. "Thank you so much for the food. I am just so famished I could eat you, I mean all of these, these are my favorites! You know me so well." He mentally kicked himself for the slip. _See, that's what happens when you ogle at her. Seriously though, why am I so mesmerized and so captivated? She's like a witch who put me under a spell that cannot be broken._ James hadn't realized that he had been staring at her.

Idina felt her cheeks burn at what he said and his burning gaze at her only made it worse. She snapped her fingers in front of his face. "James, snap out of it! You said you were hungry. Eat!"

She started on her food, too, stealing glances at him occasionally when he wasn't looking at her. His face is taut. He seems to have lost weight. She sighed. It took all the strength she had to keep herself from closing the gap between them.

"How have you been?" James asked in between bites, studying her closely.

"I'm good. I've got Walker for company so I didn't get too lonely." She looked down on her plate knowing that she just lied through her teeth.

_For someone who acts for a living, this one is such a bad liar._ James thought. She looked just as bad as he does. He didn't know whether to feel bad for her or to be happy because then it would mean that she loved him just as much as he did her. Well, still. I still love her. Knowing that she probably suffered just as much as he did gave him a little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, she missed him enough to take him back. He decided not to prod and finished his food.

"Will you be back on Tuesday?" Idina asked.

"I don't know. Hang out for a little bit and maybe I'll let you know." He said, his mind already formulating a plan to make her stay out longer. _But Walker._ "How's the little guy?" He asked.

"He's doing great. He's with his dad right now. I'll see him tomorrow."

_Bingo!_ "Why don't you drink your coffee in front of the TV while I clean up here?"

"Okay." She immediately stood up. R _un before he makes you do the dishes_. She smiled naughtily as she made her way towards the couch. She watched the game absent-mindedly while James cleared the table. When he was done, he came to sit close to her - too close for comfort. She can feel the heat emanating from his body.

"What's the score?" He asked excitedly.

"Huh?! Uhm... I don't know..." She said, flustered that he caught her off guard.

"Were you even paying attention to the game?!" James teased.

Idina stuck her tongue out at him. She put her feet up on the couch and crossed it, sipping her coffee while her eyes were glued to the screen. James cursed when he saw the score. Idina smirked at him. "Your team's being butchered by mine. Suck it!"

"Suddenly you're interested in the game now, huh?"

She turned her attention to the screen. "Yes! Slay those fuckers!" Idina cheered when she saw the team playing against James' score. She's not really that into the game. She just chose the other team so she could piss him off.

James faked sulked for a bit knowing his team well enough that they will rally later on. He smirked. "Dee, let's bet on the game to make it more fun."

"Oh yeah? Looks like you're going to lose. What's the point?" She teased.

"Just for fun. Do I hear chicken? Come on, it would need half a miracle for my team to win anyway. Yours have had a headstart, point-wise." He coaxed.

She turned her head to look at him. "Fine. If I win, you report back to work and make an effort to renew our friendship. Put everything in the past, move on and, Jesus I didn't know I would be saying this, let it go."

"Deal. If I win, I can do and make you do whatever I want." James smirked at her.

"That's vague." Idina whined.

"Chicken?" He teased, mimicking the sound chickens make.

Idina contemplated for a bit while she checked the score. "Snyder, you got yourself a wager."

"It's on!" James nudged her shoulder.

"Bring it!" She nudged him back. He slouched and rested his head on her shoulder. "I missed you." He mumbled.

Idina froze upon their bodies touching. "James..." She said weakly, trying to push him away.

"Please just let me cuddle up to you. I swear I'm not going to do anything else. Unless I win the bet, of course."

Idina gasped. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing." He answered innocently.

Idina stared at him.

"Watch the game. I'm not the game." He said in jest. With his hand, he turned her head to face the TV. She smacked his arm and laughed to cover up for her embarrassment. _That damn laugh._ James swooned. _Every little thing she does is magic._ They both slouched on the couch, leaning their shoulders against each other's while both their feet are perched on the table in front of them. Idina would occasionally tug the sleeve of his shirt when she gets so excited with the game while James would smack her thigh when his team scores. Just for that moment, they forgot their woes and was in their own bubble of happiness again.

**Final play; the score was tied.**

"Yes!" James exclaimed. His team's last play worked and they won the game just as he expected. Idina was left fuming mad. "Fuck! How the fuck did that happen?! They were up by a fucking lot. Shit!"

James smirked at her. "Someone's a hard loser." He turned the TV off then cleared his throat. "Ahem. I believe we had a wager. It's time to collect."

Idina pouted at him, trying to get cute so that he would go easy on her. "Okay, what do you have in mind?" She said cutely.

"Just two things: first, you have to agree to be filmed for the vlog. I want to do "A day in the life of one Idina Menzel" segment. Second, you look really cute in that outfit but there's nothing more I want right now than to peel it off of you."

Idina could see desire in his eyes. "Yes to the vlog, no to the last bit. No fucking way!" Idina said, trying to fight getting aroused when James started to caress her thigh. She can feel the warmth of his touch over the fabric of her sweatpants, his breath against her skin when he leaned in closer. _He smells so damn good... STOP IT, IDINA!_ The air around them grew rife with sexual tension.

"A bet is a bet." He grabbed her thighs, pulling her closer to him. Idina pushed him and ran away from him. She headed towards the dining table. "James, don't be foolish!"

He chased her. "Give it up, Dee."

While they circled the table, Idina remembered her conversation with his wife. She needed to play her cards right or to put it bluntly, to play the hand that Jacqueline dealt her. She could be bluffing about leaking the affair to the press but Idina couldn't risk it. There's too much at stake here. It's not even just about her career anymore but more importantly it's Walker. Even though he would never fully understand yet what would go down should Jacqueline do what she said she would, Idina would not want having her son in the middle of that dreadful scenario. She will have to abide to her. It's her only way out of this mess. _But how? I already broke his heart. I only need to get him to go crawling back to her. Think Idina!_ She lost her train of thought when James almost caught her. _Sex. Sex him up then treat him like he's just a piece of meat afterwards. It could work. It's worth a try._

She took a deep breath. _Okay, execute game plan._ She "accidentally" tripped so James caught up with her. He helped her up, his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. He buried his face on her hair. "You have no idea how much I missed you." He muttered.

She gasped when she felt his body against hers. It felt so good. _God, how I missed this, I missed him._ She turned around to face him. "I think I do." She grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him towards her then kissed him fiercely. With his hands on the small of her back, he kissed her back hungrily. He groaned when she caught his tongue in between her lips then sucked it, her fingers clawing at the nape of his neck. He pulled away from the kiss to take her sweater and bra off then kissed her jawline going down to her neck. She arched her back when he took her nipple in his mouth and sucked it while his hand squeezed the other. He moaned softly when he felt her nipples stand erect. His mouth made its way to her other breast and suckled it. Idina moaned loudly, fisting his hair with her fingers, when he started flicking his tongue over her nipple and biting it gently while his hand snaked inside her sweatpants, stroking her sex over the fabric of her thong. She heaved a sigh of both pleasure and wanting.

"James, please." Idina pleaded, grinding her hips against his fingers.

His lips left her nipple to nip at her earlobe. "Please what?" He whispered as he pulled his fingers out of her pants. He pulled her closer to him, rubbing his erection against her sex, teasing her. She whimpered, pressing her body against his. "Damn it, fuck me!"

"Not yet." He kissed her long and hard before he knelt in front of her, taking the remainder of her clothing off as he bent down then spread her legs apart. With his hands gripping her thighs, he ran his nose up and down her sex, taking in her scent. He groaned at how good she smells while Idina had goosebumps when she felt the tip of his nose on her sex, turning her on all the more. She ran her fingers through his hair when he flicked his tongue on her clit, over and over. When he sucked it while his fingers probed inside her, she was lost in the myriad of sensations. She gripped the edge of the table for support when her knees buckled as she exploded. Her cries of pleasure filled the room and her body trembled with the waves of her orgasm. "Fuck!" She mumbled when James bit her inner thigh. She fell limp but James caught her. He carried her to the couch then spread her legs with his knees. He laid on top of her, groaning as he rubbed his cock against her sex, his face buried on the crook of her neck. Desire swept through her when she felt the tip of his penis against her slick opening, teasing her. "I don't have protection." He said almost inaudibly, his chest heaved rapidly with heavy panting. She moaned into his ear, pushing her hips up to meet his. "It's okay, I want to feel you inside me. Please..." She half whispered and whimpered. She cried out in fierce pleasure as he entered her, wrapping her legs around the back of his thighs while her fingers dug into the skin of his butt, pulling him deeper into her. He grunted as he slammed into her, slowly at first, then he picked up pace, jerking his hips roughly when he neared his release while she moaned salaciously at his pleasurable assault on her body. Her guttural cry of pleasure matched his as he felt her clench around him, thrusting a few more times before stilling and releasing inside her. "Fuck!" He whispered as he fell limp on top of her, panting heavily. They clung to each other as they rode out their orgasm. When they came down from their high, he pulled out and cuddled up to her. "Dee, I love you so much." He mumbled.

Idina suffered in silent agony. I love you so much too. She can't say it anymore; must not say it anymore. "I have to go." She pulled away from him to get dressed.

James grabbed her hand to pull her back. "I said, I love you."

She sighed heavily. "We've been through this. It's over, remember?"

He snorted. "I'm sorry. I could never tell by the way you fuck."

"You won a bet. I just paid my end of the bargain. That's just it. This was just sex. It meant nothing more to me. You were just someone I used to sleep with. Let's leave it at that. Now, don't be a prick and report back to work. I'll see you on Tuesday." She bolted for the door before he could see right through her lies.

With a heavy heart, she walked on the way home to let off steam. She can't shake away the look on his face when she told him off. She saw his expression go from pain to anger then contempt. It was killing her.

James slumped back on the couch after getting dressed. I thought she felt the same way; that she missed me; that maybe tonight it would all work out for us. I was wrong. The words she said and the way she said it had cut him deeply. It felt as though a light was put off inside him, leaving him in a pit of darkness. _Who was that woman? That was not the woman I loved_. His phone rang. He picked it up thinking it was Idina but he saw his wife's name instead. H _ere's someone who never stopped loving me and I did her wrong. I am the worst husband ever._ He answered her call. _Time to make amends._

Tears streamed down her face as she pulled up to her apartment. _Damn his wife! Fucking fuck, bitch knew how to strike back!_ She furiously slammed the door shut behind her. _But can you blame her? Not really. She had every reason to do what she did or demand what she wanted done. She loves her husband. I get it._ Idina's inner conversation is literally hell. _Ugh! It's true when they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned._ She thought bitterly. She was in a puddle of tears when she got to her bed. "I'm sorry, James. God, I'm so sorry but it I had to. I have to protect Walker. He comes first."


End file.
